There are many children who fails in a test as they are weak in studies, can lose a game while playing any sports and sometimes they may feel let down when something doesn’t go like they want to. As parents, our first reflex is often used for protecting our children from these feelings. What matters most is not whether your child fails, but it is about how they learn and how are they handling it.
Here are some points through which you can talk to your children about failure and disappointment.
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1. Let children feel what they feel
When your child is not able to complete the given task they usually then feel sad, they feel angry on small things and sometimes may even cry. Instead of hurrying and consoling them by saying“it’s okay”, you must give them some time to feel upset.
2. Avoid hurrying things for fixing the problem
Many parents are there who jumps straight into problem solving mode, which is very wrong. But before giving them the solutions, you must sit down with them and you should just listen what they are saying and what do they suggest for themselves. Ask simple questions like, “What happened?” This helps your child to open up with you instead of shutting down and handling things alone.
3. Normalise Failure as Part of Life
Many times there are chances that your children think that only they fail, while everyone else are able to succeed easily. You must share the problem which you faced earlier and how you over came with it. This makes them understand that failure is common and not something to be ashamed of.
4. Focus on their efforts, not just results
You must praise the efforts that your child puts in, not just only the outcome. Say things like, “I saw how hard you practiced for this.” This teaches children that trying their best matters, even if the result is just not perfect. Over time, they will learn to give value to the process, and not just only the prize.
5. Ask them what they have learned by this
The time when your child feels calm and relaxed, you must try and ask them normally, “What would you do next time when things would be difficult?” This turns failure into a lesson instead of just a bad memory. It also builds problem solving skills and techniques which helps them feel more in control out of the situation.
Having a conversation with your child and discussing things with them about failure and disappointment is not just about giving perfect advice or having all the right words. It is basically about being present, being patient, and be honest with them.